please lift me, lift me
the worms are making their way
into my nostrils as we speak
please fix me, fix me
bones are broken, can barely crawl
I am so weak
please save me, save me
soul left, sin eating me up
I’m not complete
please forgive me, forgive me
water everywhere, around me
surrounds me
puddles, the ponds, lakes, the sea
water above, around
surrounding me
my head under everywhere it seems
stuck breathing in bubbles, barely
but I’m gasping for air in my dreams
Everything he told me was a lie.
The bits about the winter, his past,
his apparitions.
Even that story of him skating
fearfully on the ice
Before he blacked out to
Dream about her.
Lost and crying in Heaven.
Everything he told me was a lie.
I don’t want to be that girl
who gives everything
everything she has and hasn’t
over and over until
it’s years and years later
with everything dwindling
down to a few somethings
I don’t want to be that bird
who gives away her last somethings
somethings she has and hasn’t
every day and day until
it’s ages and ages later
with somethings scrambling
down to nothing
I don’t want to be that desperate soul
who even tries to give nothing
nothings she has and hasn’t
over and over until
she reaches forever and a day
with nothings trembling
down to anything
I don’t want to be that girl
it’s hard to accept my fate when i’m running from it.
tripping over my feet while getting slapped in the face by
the palms trying to hold me back. forcing me to stop,
to pluck the thorns from my eye, ignoring the thoughts that
i’m not ready to die. so i think back to before
and it’s easy to remember that i held you first. but
you can’t remember i was the one that loved you first.
it’s hard to accept the passing of time, counting all those
desperate moments that i call you mine. watching you run out
the doors, tossing rocks at the cars, throwing the chairs to
the floor. watching you grow faint from screaming all those gory
words. and now i grow faint as i watch the roads
turn to grass – lose my hearing, feel my voice not make
a sound. but it’s easy to remember i felt you first.
easy to remember i was the one that loved you first.
The Tape House 