the evil ones, especially, love beauty
look at you, think a thought
then look away, but stare again
run fast baby girl, cause
it’s not too far behind you
like all our happy memories
kicking up that dust of the past
making our hearts ache, cause
they just couldn’t last and
my brain is stuck on these sorrows
I’m so fearful they they’ll sojourn
for all my tomorrows
the evil ones just love our beauty
could we persuade it, possibly
so that the good in it would take form
this beauty gots to even out the ugly
the motion gots to keep you steady
yet every day is just the same
left is right, this way is that way
the sun is square, the sky is brown
your sad is mad, your up is down
the beauty gots to even out this ugly
this hope gots to get you ready
I don’t have long to spend with you – but we have those spirits
passing through our house again. I feel them, he feels them.
I’d think you’d feel them if you were open to it.
I don’t need to tell you that last week was rough.
I saw red and heard the bees in my ears –
my world went numb again, but he doesn’t care,
and I’m left blue and scared.
I don’t have long to tell you – I’m grateful that you’re here.
you let me run out, even in the dark of night,
when I see his pale face and hear his sighs.
you help me ignore all the frogs as I try to drive down the street,
watch them bounce off my wheels, but I don’t stop.
I keep on going, keep on remaining
much like the shadows that play in our house,
and I’m gently reminded that those souls must be
welcomed here. they have lived Sufferer’s torment more,
they are tired of living in fear.
my only hope is that Sleep will find him.
tuck him gently in her long, scarless arms
to rest his constant mind. arms pale as this
paper – pure as your snow. Sleep will sing him
the sweetest songs to take away his bad
thoughts; erase the memories of the day
gone wrong. whisper affectionately in
his ear that he his good, he is strong, and
that he is loved. as I move away from
his now shut door, I pray that Sleep comes for
him. whisks him away to a place where he
does extraordinary things; after
all, dreamland is an even playing field.
no worries for me in that hopeful place.
my only wish is that Sleep finds him, and
after that time, she then remembers me.
Sometimes I see you turn right in front of
me. I wish I were blind so I would not
have to see. One minute calm, the other
minute pain as you rip the flesh off my
palm. I look into your eyes, but you’re not
there. I cry and plead. See what you’ve done to
me? Do you even care? No good answers
to sing sweetly in my ears. All I get
is your same blank stare. How can I talk to
you, my son, when you are no longer there?
why is he so sad, was he created to be so miserable
and
unknowingly, without trying
make us so miserable
it’s so boring and boring this mess we’re in
all this crying, all this striving
why does he say,
“I want to go to heaven!”
does he even know what he’s
releasing out to the air
when those emotions flood him
like concrete, like stone
making him stuck, making us stuck
“Why is life so unfair?” “Why does life suck?”
I’m so tired and tired of being this way
I want to think about hope, think about laughter
dream about the life I want him to chase after
the way he is right now
I’ve learned to walk silently across the floor
I’m a tall, strong woman with weary size ten feet
but I’m here tiptoeing and praying not to wake the manic beast,
the way he is right now
The past 2 weeks were okay
how I wish that guy could stay
the one with the kind blue eyes
the one that copies the clouds
in the sky
the one who speaks gentle words
and doesn’t wish for me to die
He doesn’t mean it, they always say
But seriously, doesn’t dawn always beckon a new day?
Oh God, what if he means it?
These are the thoughts that make me lock my door
before I attempt to sleep
thoughts that make me say that extra prayer
thoughts that make me easily tiptoe with my weary size ten feet
to walk silently across the floor
begging not to wake the manic beast
